Nothing can be more frustrating than trying to “fix” someone who doesn’t want to be fixed. It’s like trying to hang a picture, tilting the frame to just the right level, but despite our best efforts, the picture keeps falling off.
It may become even more broken because of our interference.
Some people have approached me asking if I can help loved ones who are going through difficult times. They desperately want a fix and have tried everything to no avail.
Unfortunately, I tell them that I can only help if this person wants it for themselves, unless they reach out to me on their own and are willing to do the work.
I also tell them that I can associate with wearing a “fixer” hat. Being so tortured and broken in my youth, I looked for people who needed fixing, mainly because I wasn’t ready to face my own problems. Being clear about steroids, I can look back in terms of my high school days and see that I mostly picked people I thought I could change for the better. I carried this mindset into my marriage by choosing a husband with low self-esteem. If I can make him see how cool he was, then I can derive value from fixing it.
Big failure. All I finished doing was sucking life out of him and pushing him away.
I also tried to fix my extended family, trying to force people to reconcile so it was better to give each other space so we would be ready for the olive branch stage.
Basically I wasn’t fit to do anyone well because I couldn’t see straight.
Matthew 7:5 5 You hypocrite, first take the beam out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Once God healed my heart and I had a healthy outlook on myself, I still wanted to help people, but in a healthy way. Nobody was manipulative and impulsive.
It wasn’t until I stopped putting pressure on my husband that he began his own journey to recovery.
This week’s exercise:
• Pray for the person you are trying to fix. This is the best thing you can do for them.
• Treat them as a person, not as a project.
• Gain a healthy view of yourself by looking at the scriptures and knowing what God says about you.
Remember that you are a powerful son of God and everything you need to come out of the ashes of the past lives within you. Your comments of encouragement, questions, and prayer requests have been truly blessed. [email protected]